“I failed the bar exam.”
“I wish I passed the bar exam.”
Powerful realities that no amount of Law of Attraction could reshape and manifest.
It feels like the end of the world. You’re too depressed to do anything. You feel like there’s no solution.
Regretful, helpless, ashamed, depressed, frustrated, indignant, unable to fight fate like your favorite superhero. You want to punch yourself instead.
People who don’t understand say:
This is just a test.
This is just a person.
This is just a piece of paper.
But this is an important test.
But they were an important person you invested all your heart and effort to.
But it was an important memento infused with memories and sentiments.
What if? Why? How could I have failed the most important exam of my life?
You’re still hurting and feeling like you could’ve done so much more. What if you tried harder? What if you did things differently? Why?
Sometimes the reasons can’t be reasoned. Sometimes the reasons are tragically out of your control. Sometimes there are no reasons.
This invisible piece of lint floating around a tiny sun in an empty universe simply decided to birth this cruel series of events. Who programmed this shit?!
No one cares what the reason is. No one cares… except you. You put your heart on the line for the sake of something that was important to you.
Pain is proof that you cared. You have a soul that is capable of that level of care about something.
Sometimes, when things are broken, it’s useless to go try and fix them. If it breaks you in the process, is it worth it?
“Yes!” you say, “I would do anything.”
Then, that’s why you have to keep it together. For the sake of your pursuit, fight for it in private. Cry in private. Pine for it inside the chamber of your own heart.
There’s no cure for heartbreak except time. Keep it together. You can lose it all, but you can’t lose yourself.
We’re… weak! But we’re persistent. The scariest thing about humans is that they follow their prey until it gets exhausted.
It’s a lonely struggle. The entire world versus you. It wouldn’t be fair otherwise.
If you don’t have the energy to begin anew, that’s OK. I understand. You feel tired. Fatigued. Powerless.
It’s also temporary. Rejoice in knowing that it will pass eventually—whether it’s in a day, a week, a month, a year.
“Living in the present” seems to hit the hardest and drag on when you’re in pain. But you can’t move forward if you’re spinning your wheels or constantly looking behind.
But people have regained the will to challenge the bar exam after years. People have continued to maintain their will to pass the bar exam for years. Wow!
Everything decays. Nothing is forever. Not the euphoria when you pass. Not the sinking feeling as harsh reality wraps around your brain and turns it into baked potato.
In the meantime, it’s hard to let go and accept that it was all for nothing.
All that squirming like a worm and reaching for the stars only to realize those stars are actually millions of light years away.
But you can at least reshape “I failed the bar exam” to “I completed an experiment. Here are the results.”
But you can at least reshape “I wish I passed the bar exam” to “I am capable of passing the bar exam.” Never forget it.